A Reoccuring Theme....

I've been struggling a lot lately with time management. Between my job at Belk (which I am very grateful for), our mission work and my personal life, there just never seems to be enough time to get it all done. Usually it's my personal life that suffers the most as everything else seems to take precedence over it. Some may think that isn't such a bad thing...but it is when I consider time with God as part of my "personal" time.

Today I woke up earlier then I needed to (but don't let it surprise you...earlier then I needed to was 9am! LOL), so that I could take my time waking up, eat breakfast and spend a few minutes alone with God before my 11am meeting. It's been a nice morning. I feel relaxed, I feel somewhat ready for the rest of the day. The problem is that I'm not really a morning person. So doing this on a daily basis is a problem when I have meetings or have to go into work at an earlier time. I've been conflicted with this for some time now. If you were to read my journal entries from the past few weeks I'm sure you'll find this as a reoccuring theme...there just isn't enough time in the day it seems. (On a side note, I think it's rather ironic that after spending so many years scheduling other people's lives I have issues with scheduling my own life!)

I really want to make spending time with God a higher priority in my life. I've been reading through the book of Isaiah for quite some time now, and in today's reading there is a passage (chapter 50) where Isaiah is talking about how God is his instructor...and I so desire that. So I decided I would make this passage into a prayer ....

God, help me be like Isaiah. Waken me morning by morning, waken my ear to listen like one being taught. Open my ears and do not let me be rebellious. Help me know your word so that I can be sustained and not grow weary.

An Investment We Should All Be Making!

Back in November God blessed me with a part time job. I was convinced (and still am) that God put me in this job for a reason, and it wasn't all about making money. One of the prayers I had while searching for a job was that he would grant me a job in our target area so that I could meet the people of the area and begin to build relationships with them. I was so excited when I got the job because I know that God orchestrated the entire thing.

Fast forward a few months later.

I wasn't so sure I wanted to be there any more. Quite a few of my co-workers were very stand-offish towards me and I was even hearing comments about people had to be careful with what they said about me because I was the "minister's wife" or the "preachers wife". Not only was I branded with the "new girl" reputation, but I had to overcome the "she's a christian" reputation. Needless to say, some days/nights were very long as people did not want to really conversate with me.

I was starting to get pretty frustrated and wanted to start looking for a different job. Why was God putting me in a place that people wouldn't talk to me? What use was I if I wasn't able to talk to the people!!! I kept reminding myself that God put me there for a reason and I just needed to trust that he knew what he was doing.

This past week I've had some awesome conversations with the people I work with. I've been able to really get to know some of the girls - their pasts, their fears, their worries, and even laugh with them.

Jesus reminded me this week that relationships take time. Great relationships aren't built in just a week. I was being impatient and expecting to see "results" immediately. But that's not what we are called to do. We are called to invest in one another. To live in community with one another. To help carry each others burdens. This community takes time to build.

For any of you who are impatient like me - let me encourage you to invest your time and resources into the people God calls you to. Be patient and trust that the Lord knows what he is doing. We may not be able to see the miracles he's working up to, but I guarantee the blessings you'll receive for being part of His work will be amazing!

All that's left is to have faith!

Business at Belk has been pretty slow lately. This is both bad and good. It's obviously bad because less customers spending mean cuts in staffing. I've just found out that my hours have been cut ALOT for the month of February. I will now only work between 13 and 18 hours a week. I'm trying to look at the upside of it...more time to work on church stuff. God has been pretty faithful in providing financially, so while there is a tiny bit of worry in the back of my head I'm trying to not let it overwhelm me.

These cut backs are not just effecting me. Almost every employee is having to deal with this. From what I hear everyone is being cut at least 10 hours a week! This has caused a lot of discussion at work amongst the employees. And since business is slow...I've had the opportunity to really talk with a few of my co-workers. A few of them have really been opening up and sharing with me not only their fears and concerns about our bad economy, but about other personal life issues as well.

While talking to one of the ladies about the economy and what lies ahead for all of us she said something I found pretty profound..."people are going to have to have faith".

We are all going through pretty similiar situations. Whether christian or not. More and more jobs are being lost every day. More businesses are closing their doors. Bills are piling up and debt keeps accumulating. Families are struggling to make ends meet with less money every month. The economy is BAD...and it looks like it might get a bit worse before we see anything get better.

During times like this people are searching...they are looking for HOPE! What an awesome opportunity we have right now to share that hope with all that we meet!!! I pray that we will all take this opportunity to love on our neighbors, co-workers, and friends and that we would share with them the HOPE we have in Jesus Christ.

Speak louder...I can't hear you!

Lately I've been feeling like I'm supposed to be doing something and I'm not. Ever have that feeling?

Recently I've put off doing a lot of things ... some out of busyness and some out of laziness. I know God has been tugging at me...I just don't know what it is he's saying to me.

I know he wants me to devote more time to him. One of the things I've been neglecting is a REGULAR quiet time. I still do it..but not regularly. This morning Bagel did it again...woke me up earlier then I wanted to get up...and I was able to have my quiet time. I prayed, I read my bible, I read a christian "self help" book. So quiet time is done...Check!

Something is still missing...(and BTW, I know that things aren't just supposed to all get better because I read my bible ONE day...). I just have this feeling that God is telling me something..and I just can't hear it!

A million thoughts and ideas run through my head. And still nothing. I can't even "surrender" it to him...because I'm not even sure what "it" is!

I feel like God is saying something BIG is about to happen. I feel like he's about to use me in a BIG way. I just don't know how or when.

I know he's been showing me a few areas of my life I need to work on.
- Stop being lazy.
- Get over your materialism.
- Be content with what I've given you.
- Get out there more.

The list goes on and on. And I feel it...I feel it in my body. He's trying to get through to me. I feel like he's saying...be prepared. But be prepared for what?

I know...None of this makes sense...but that's common when it comes to God's plans. But one thing is for sure...when it's God's plan...it all works out.

Not just a dog...

As most you of you know, a few weeks back Chuck and I went to the Humane Society and got a dog. We didn't have any plans of getting a dog, or going to the pound...but we passed by a sign for it and decided to go in and "look". Less than an hour later we were the proud owners of an 8 year old Dachshund named Bagel.


As we called to tell people about our "new addition" to our family we were given mixed responses, from congratulations to why would you get a dog? I must admit that as we were discussing whether or not to adopt him I was a bit unsure if this was the right move for us. Chuck on the other hand was all about getting a dog the minute we walked into the place. He was sooo sure that it would be a good thing. I can't believe I'm about to admit this...but he was right. Getting a dog was a great thing! (I sometimes wish I had the confidence as he does in making decisions like this!)

At first I thought it was just a good idea because it got us walking around our neighborhood several times a day which hopefully would create collission points with our neighbors. I think it was on the third day we had Bagel that a lady two blocks away from our house saw him from across the street and BOOM a collission was made! I walked over and after a little cooing with the dog her and I started talking and it turns out she would be someone interested in our church....oh and she has a 14 year old son. She took down my name and phone number and times of our youth group meetings.

I figured that God gave us Bagel because he was going to be a ministry tool. This morning I realized God gave me Bagel for another reason.

I'm a HUGE procrastinator. Oh, and I am not really that much of a morning person. Bagel wakes us up most mornings to go out. It's not at an ungodly hour...but if it weren't for him I could probably sleep another hour or two. But now we have to get up or we'll have a little "accident" to clean up. This morning I got up, walked him, made my coffee and spent some quiet time with God. Usually I would sleep in until there was just enough time to rush and get everything done before I had to go work or take care of something. But now Bagel helps me get up and start my morning making sure I make time for the most important part of my day...spending time with God.

I've never really been much of a "pet person". I thought dogs were cute but was never one to really pet a dog, cuddle with one, take them for walks, etc. But there is something different about this one. I fell in love with him the day we got him. I'm not sure why he's different...but the only thing I can conclude is that God knew exactly what I needed...and he gave him to us.

Cheesy blog today...I know! But I thought I'd share how God works in all things...big and small...and I think he's working in our life through our dog Bagel.

New Year's Prayer

Today I received an online devotional from a website I subscribe to. It's about giving up on making New Year's Resolutions and writing a New Year's prayer. We can only do things with Christ...so let's start this New Year out right. Let's ask God to do things this year and see the amazing things he has in store for us!

Here's the devotional...hope you enjoy!

A New Year’s Prayer for You
"Pour out your heart like water before the face of the Lord.” Lamentations 2:19a (NKJV)

It’s a new year. What is on your heart? What would you like to accomplish? What would you like to change? Have you made any New Year’s Resolutions? A few years ago, I gave up making New Year’s Resolutions. I could never keep them. One year, instead of a resolution, I wrote a prayer. Throughout the year, I watched in amazement as God worked in my life and in the lives of others through my simple prayer.Today, I would like to pray for you. Below is the prayer that the Lord put on my heart. As you read it, I invite you to use it as a model. Sit with the Lord and ask Him to help you personalize this prayer for you.

Father in heaven, thank You that You are Sovereign. Thank You that You know each precious woman reading this devotion. You planned for her to meet You here today. You created her heart. You know her every need, her deepest desires, and her open wounds. Lord, I ask that in this new year, You would fall afresh on her. Father, You are Holy and call us to be Holy. Yet, we confess that so often our hearts wander from You, our speech does not glorify You, and our actions do not honor You. Soften our hearts to receive the words Your sweet Spirit has to speak to us. Clothe us with humility. Take away our desire to always be right and have our own way. Help us to seek Your Word in all that we say and do. Help us to submit to Your Word; allow it to penetrate those deep places in our hearts that resist change. If necessary, put us through the refiner’s fire to burn off those things that keep us from walking in step with Your character.Give us hearts that love and seek after Truth above all else. Give us wisdom and discernment to reject the lies of this world and the evil one. Guide us into all Truth. Guard our hearts and keep our eyes fixed on You. Grow in us those things that will make us more like You. As we study Your Word, fill us and saturate us with You!

Today, Father, we surrender our thoughts, our speech, and our hearts. Thank You that You are Faithful and True. We trust You will do a mighty work in us and through us this year and carry it on to completion until the day we step into eternity with You. Help us to trust in You with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding. Help us to acknowledge You in all our ways so that we can hear Your voice as You say, “This is the way, walk in it.” Lord, we love You and thank You that You love us. May our lives be a living testimony of You. We ask this in the powerful and mighty name of Your Son, Jesus Christ our Lord who will do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Forgiveness

The Roots Community went to Crosspointe Church today (which is in Orlando). Our Pastor, Jesse, is being mentored by Crosspointe's Lead Pastor, Chan Kilgore. We visited this church as Chan and his church were praying for us and our church plant. We were blessed to hear Chan speak and the today's topic was about pain and forgiveness.

Over the last few years I've dealt with a "forgiveness" issue. Many times I thought I had truly forgiven a certain person, yet every time I would see this person or would even hear about this person the hurt feelings were there once again. I had even gone as far as asking the person for forgiveness for my portion of the circumstances. (Just a small note, this was a hurt that was went on for quite some time, but mostly occurred in high school...and for those of you who can't count...that was over 8 years ago).

About a year ago I felt convicted. I felt the Lord was telling me that I hadn't truly forgiven this person. I contacted the person and told them I forgave them. They responded that they had forgiven me as well...but they wanted to talk about what happened years ago. I wasn't happy about that. I didn't understand why they would want to re-hash everything we had done to each other years ago. All the hurt came back. If I truly had forgiven them why was it still hurting? I realized a few things about myself during that time. One was that I had a skewed view of forgiveness, two - I didn't want to face my pain, and three - I hadn't forgiven myself for my part. But I forced to do so. And today I can honestly say I think I have truly forgiven this person.

It took me 10 years of being a christian to truly grasp the full concept of forgiveness. I've tried to share with others who I've seen struggling with forgiveness the lesson the Lord taught me last year...but I was never able to simply explain what I meant by "true forgiveness".

Today, Chan Kilgore said it simply --- we are told we are to forgive and forget, and we do "forgive", but we don't forget. Why can't we forget? Because we do not deal with the pain! The bible tells us that we aren't to let the sun go down on us while we are angry. Why is that? Because if we don't deal with the pain within that first 24 hours it is likely that we will bottle up that pain and keep it inside us...and it will eventually lead to repression. Although we say we have forgiven the person, we don't forget their wrong doings towards us. The problem is that we forgive the person, but we don't forgive their actions. And so we don't forget.

Dealing with our pain isn't easy. It's alot easier to shove it down deep inside us and try not to remember it. But it's still there. The bible tells us we are to forgive a man seventy times seven (Matthew 18:21-22). How do we forgive then, even when the pain is almost too much to deal with? Confront your pain -- Let Jesus help you through your pain. He suffered so that we may have forgiveness. Let the master of forgiveness help you through your pain.

Isaiah 53:3-6

He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with
suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we
esteemed him not.
Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we
considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our
iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds
we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way;
and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

While I suffered much carrying the pain of unforgiveness in my heart for years, I thank Jesus for those circumstances. That pain was nowhere near the pain Jesus suffered on the cross, but I have a very small taste of what true love and forgiveness looks like. If my pain hurt as much as it did, then imagine how much more pain Jesus experienced because of us, and yet he still forgave. That's true love. And we are called to love as Christ loved...

Lessons from the past 6 weeks

What I've learned over the past 6 weeks...

1 - God does provide for his children. [Our rent was paid this month and we received enough money to fix our car!]

2 - We only truly learn to depend solely on God when we are placed in circumstances that the only option is to depend on God. [And I can say I am happy that God has me in these circumstances right now, because it's a great place to be...in his hands!]

3 - Pride is a major issue in my life. Pride hides in many areas of our lives, we just don't realize its there.

4 - I truly have some great friends (and family).

5 - God is even more amazing then we can imagine. And he loves to exceed our expectations!

That's all I got for today. It's taken me six long weeks to learn these five lessons. They may not seem profound to you...but it's completely changed my way of thinking and has strengthened my faith.

Psalm 119: 129-135:

Your statutes are wonderful; therefore I obey them.
The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the
simple.
I open my mouth and pant, longing for your commands.
Turn to me and have mercy on me, as you always do to those who love your
name.
Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me.
Redeem me from the oppression of men, that I may obey your precepts.
Make your face shine upon your servant and teach me your decrees.

A Sincere Thank You

Today when I logged into Facebook I saw someone's status update say "Gonna pay my rent today...thank u Lord for providing yet again." And then something hit me like a ton of bricks. Had I ever taken the time to thank God for the everyday blessings he pours out on me and my family?

It is only now that I find myself daily thanking God for the things most of us take for granted. I sincerely thank God daily, and at every meal, for providing food for Chuck and I, because I know that right now it is only because he is providing for us that we have any food at all. I have to confess that prior to moving up here I thanked God for my food every day, but it was more of a "ritual" prayer. I'm not sure if it was really heart-felt. I can assure you that it's sincere now. We are already experiencing times when there is no money in our bank account and the food is running low in the house, and the only thing we can do is pray and have faith that the Lord will provide. And he is doing just that, providing.

When I saw this person's status on Facebook it made me think about paying my rent. We just sent out our rent check yesterday using the last of my "vacation payout" money from FIU. While writing the check my thoughts were more consumed with "there's the last of it" and "hope we can afford next month's rent" rather than "thank you God for providing this month's rent".

I'm learning that when I was "promised" a paycheck for my work by having a "regular" job, I took God's blessings for granted. It is only because God blessed me with a job and health that I was able to make my monthly rent payment and put food on the table. At any moment that could have been taken away from me, yet I had a sense of security when I had a job in Miami. It was a false sense of security though. I was praising God with my mouth, but my deep down I was attributing these blessings to the hard work my husband and I did weekly at our jobs.

I'm learning now that the only place you can really find true security is by having faith in God, as he is the one who ultimately takes care of us --- whether it be by providing a job for us or by providing financial supporters, it's because of him that our needs are met. Lord, I'm sorry for letting my mind be consumed with other thoughts and worries. Help me to remember to praise you for even the things we take for granted, like paying our rent on time, having food daily, and having enough gas in the car to take us where we need to go.




I started reading the book of Isaiah today. It's about the prophet Isaiah trying to warn the people about their double minded ways. The people were saying that they believed in God and were even offering sacrafices to God, but they also were worshipping idols and sinning in many other ways. It says that they were flaunting their sins, like it was no big deal! It made me think of our nation right now - we proclaim to be a Christian nation (or at least that we were a Christian nation), but yet we flaunt our sins like it's no big deal. We go around worshipping material possesions, celebrities and a number of other false idols. We've changed our minds on what is morally acceptable today forgetting that it's contradicting how the Bible says we should live! We are such a prideful nation, boasting about the success we've obtained even when the success has been obtained by living in sin.

Isaiah 10:15 says,

"Does the ax raise itself above him who swings it, or the saw boast against him who uses it?"

I realized today that by not giving God the full credit and the praise for providing the money for my rent and for our food made me like a saw boasting against the one who uses it. Yes, I worked 40 hours a week, but it was God who had me there as a tool. He was using me and blessing me with money to pay for rent and food. It wasn't me. For me to say a half hearted prayer was not enough. The Lord deserves the full praise and glory for his blessings that he has poured out on me. So thank you Lord for providing. Help me to not worry about next month's rent or tomorrow's food. Help me focus on what you've provided for today and your promises of providing for tomorrow.

Exposing Myself...

Where do I start? It's been five weeks since I last blogged. Why has it taken me so long to get on to this thing? Well it hasn't been because God isn't working in my life. God definitely has gotten a hold of me and told me just what a mess I am! I have a few "reasons" I think I haven't blogged in a while.

1- I didn't really know what God was doing with me! I knew he was doing something, but I just wasn't sure what it was.

2 - I had a little "pride" issue going on. I didn't want to air all of my issues, all of my struggles because then what would people think of me? Would they think I wasn't a christian, or that I was a bad christian?

3- I've been a little discouraged by judging my christian walk with others that I consider "great" christians. I didn't really think I had anything valuable to contribute to others after seeing how "spiritual" others were.

So here's what I've learned over the past few weeks...

God is working in me. Like Paul said in Philippians "he who began a good work in you will not be complete until the time of Christ Jesus" (Philippians 1:6). I feel that way. That God is doing something with me - but he's not done. He won't be done for a long time. And I'm learning to be okay with that.

This is partially where my pride comes in and where comparing my spiritual walk with others plays in. For so long I've tried to become an "awesome" christian. Now, I've never really succeeded it at it, but I've always strived for that. I was talking with my new Pastor (Jesse) about this one night and he responded with "What a prideful statement that is" to say I'm an awesome christian. Huh, I never thought of it that way. I shouldn't be striving to be like Jesus so that I can say I'm an awesome christian. I shouldn't even care if others think I'm an awesome or a horrible christian. I should only care about what Jesus thinks of me. And it's not even rating me on this scale from 1 - 10 (1 being horrible and 10 being awesome). But to consider my life on a scale that is so simple, there are no numbers, there are no ranges, it's simply - is EVERYTHING in my life glorifying to God? Do all of my actions bring Glory to the Father, which should be my main goal.

For so long I have cared about what others think about me and how they perceive me. I've allowed their thoughts to run my life. I would try and do anything to make sure that their perception of me was one that was pleasing to them. I never really thought it was a bad thing, especially because it was important for me to also be perceived well so that I wasn't a disgrace to God. But sometimes I know that what other people thought of me hurt me to the point where I pulled away from God in order to make them like me more. Ouch, that just hurt as I typed it. Yes, this self-proclaimed "good" christian was putting the world and the world's ways before God!

Over the years I've shared my "problem" of caring too much about what others think of me with people. I've only shared it with a select few (mainly christians) and believe it or not their response was never like the one I received from Jesse. Usually the advice I was given by these people were - you can't allow what other people think effect you so much. The only important thing is what God thinks of you. Such a cliche saying - whether it be true or not, it's still cliche. But this time, when Jesse said "What a prideful statement that is", it showed me that my actions were sinful! I do not need to be comforted when my actions are sinful, I need to be made aware (in a loving way of course)that my actions are displeasing to the Father! Now please do not misunderstand me. I am not upset with all the people who told me that the only important thing was God's view of me. That is a true statement. And honestly, if someone told me what Jesse did back then I probably would not have listened and took offense to it.

If you've been reading my blog you know that my last post mentions my acceptance to Jesus' proposal of taking our relationship to the next level. And I think that this is part of me getting to the next level with God. God has been breaking me lately. He's been revealing to me the areas in my life I really need to work on. In the past month I've felt so broken, so inadequate, and even unhappy. Believe it or not, this is a good thing. I've felt broken because I haven't let God be my glue. I've felt inadequate because I've been trying to do it all on my own. I've felt unhappy because I haven't let Jesus be the center of my ENTIRE life.

We've been doing this study with our church group called Blazing Center (by John Piper) and his main point is that God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him. The bible tells us that we are supposed to rejoice, that we are supposed to delight in the Lord. But that's not easy. I've learned that these past few weeks.

Do we still rejoice when our finances are a mess? Do we praise God when he takes away some of our material possessions even when they can be somewhat be labeled as "necessities" (losing a home, vehicle, etc)? Do we delight in the Lord when he allows us or someone we love to hurt (whether it be emotionally or physically)? Do we thank God for the storms in our lives? Usually not. Sometimes we might get angry or frustrated, or even depressed. But after a short while (or sometimes a long while) we'll remember God's promises to us and we then praise God. I want my first reaction to be praise. I want my joy to come from Him and Him alone.

God has given me several opportunities over the past few weeks to praise him in the storm. Although these storms are painful, I'm happy, because I know it means that he is doing something in my life...something good.

James 1:2-4
2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.