Where do I start? It's been five weeks since I last blogged. Why has it taken me so long to get on to this thing? Well it hasn't been because God isn't working in my life. God definitely has gotten a hold of me and told me just what a mess I am! I have a few "reasons" I think I haven't blogged in a while.
1- I didn't really know what God was doing with me! I knew he was doing something, but I just wasn't sure what it was.
2 - I had a little "pride" issue going on. I didn't want to air all of my issues, all of my struggles because then what would people think of me? Would they think I wasn't a christian, or that I was a bad christian?
3- I've been a little discouraged by judging my christian walk with others that I consider "great" christians. I didn't really think I had anything valuable to contribute to others after seeing how "spiritual" others were.
So here's what I've learned over the past few weeks...
God is working in me. Like Paul said in Philippians "he who began a good work in you will not be complete until the time of Christ Jesus" (Philippians 1:6). I feel that way. That God is doing something with me - but he's not done. He won't be done for a long time. And I'm learning to be okay with that.
This is partially where my pride comes in and where comparing my spiritual walk with others plays in. For so long I've tried to become an "awesome" christian. Now, I've never really succeeded it at it, but I've always strived for that. I was talking with my new Pastor (Jesse) about this one night and he responded with "What a prideful statement that is" to say I'm an awesome christian. Huh, I never thought of it that way. I shouldn't be striving to be like Jesus so that I can say I'm an awesome christian. I shouldn't even care if others think I'm an awesome or a horrible christian. I should only care about what Jesus thinks of me. And it's not even rating me on this scale from 1 - 10 (1 being horrible and 10 being awesome). But to consider my life on a scale that is so simple, there are no numbers, there are no ranges, it's simply - is EVERYTHING in my life glorifying to God? Do all of my actions bring Glory to the Father, which should be my main goal.
For so long I have cared about what others think about me and how they perceive me. I've allowed their thoughts to run my life. I would try and do anything to make sure that their perception of me was one that was pleasing to them. I never really thought it was a bad thing, especially because it was important for me to also be perceived well so that I wasn't a disgrace to God. But sometimes I know that what other people thought of me hurt me to the point where I pulled away from God in order to make them like me more. Ouch, that just hurt as I typed it. Yes, this self-proclaimed "good" christian was putting the world and the world's ways before God!
Over the years I've shared my "problem" of caring too much about what others think of me with people. I've only shared it with a select few (mainly christians) and believe it or not their response was never like the one I received from Jesse. Usually the advice I was given by these people were - you can't allow what other people think effect you so much. The only important thing is what God thinks of you. Such a cliche saying - whether it be true or not, it's still cliche. But this time, when Jesse said "What a prideful statement that is", it showed me that my actions were sinful! I do not need to be comforted when my actions are sinful, I need to be made aware (in a loving way of course)that my actions are displeasing to the Father! Now please do not misunderstand me. I am not upset with all the people who told me that the only important thing was God's view of me. That is a true statement. And honestly, if someone told me what Jesse did back then I probably would not have listened and took offense to it.
If you've been reading my blog you know that my last post mentions my acceptance to Jesus' proposal of taking our relationship to the next level. And I think that this is part of me getting to the next level with God. God has been breaking me lately. He's been revealing to me the areas in my life I really need to work on. In the past month I've felt so broken, so inadequate, and even unhappy. Believe it or not, this is a good thing. I've felt broken because I haven't let God be my glue. I've felt inadequate because I've been trying to do it all on my own. I've felt unhappy because I haven't let Jesus be the center of my ENTIRE life.
We've been doing this study with our church group called Blazing Center (by John Piper) and his main point is that God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him. The bible tells us that we are supposed to rejoice, that we are supposed to delight in the Lord. But that's not easy. I've learned that these past few weeks.
Do we still rejoice when our finances are a mess? Do we praise God when he takes away some of our material possessions even when they can be somewhat be labeled as "necessities" (losing a home, vehicle, etc)? Do we delight in the Lord when he allows us or someone we love to hurt (whether it be emotionally or physically)? Do we thank God for the storms in our lives? Usually not. Sometimes we might get angry or frustrated, or even depressed. But after a short while (or sometimes a long while) we'll remember God's promises to us and we then praise God. I want my first reaction to be praise. I want my joy to come from Him and Him alone.
God has given me several opportunities over the past few weeks to praise him in the storm. Although these storms are painful, I'm happy, because I know it means that he is doing something in my life...something good.
James 1:2-4
2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
1- I didn't really know what God was doing with me! I knew he was doing something, but I just wasn't sure what it was.
2 - I had a little "pride" issue going on. I didn't want to air all of my issues, all of my struggles because then what would people think of me? Would they think I wasn't a christian, or that I was a bad christian?
3- I've been a little discouraged by judging my christian walk with others that I consider "great" christians. I didn't really think I had anything valuable to contribute to others after seeing how "spiritual" others were.
So here's what I've learned over the past few weeks...
God is working in me. Like Paul said in Philippians "he who began a good work in you will not be complete until the time of Christ Jesus" (Philippians 1:6). I feel that way. That God is doing something with me - but he's not done. He won't be done for a long time. And I'm learning to be okay with that.
This is partially where my pride comes in and where comparing my spiritual walk with others plays in. For so long I've tried to become an "awesome" christian. Now, I've never really succeeded it at it, but I've always strived for that. I was talking with my new Pastor (Jesse) about this one night and he responded with "What a prideful statement that is" to say I'm an awesome christian. Huh, I never thought of it that way. I shouldn't be striving to be like Jesus so that I can say I'm an awesome christian. I shouldn't even care if others think I'm an awesome or a horrible christian. I should only care about what Jesus thinks of me. And it's not even rating me on this scale from 1 - 10 (1 being horrible and 10 being awesome). But to consider my life on a scale that is so simple, there are no numbers, there are no ranges, it's simply - is EVERYTHING in my life glorifying to God? Do all of my actions bring Glory to the Father, which should be my main goal.
For so long I have cared about what others think about me and how they perceive me. I've allowed their thoughts to run my life. I would try and do anything to make sure that their perception of me was one that was pleasing to them. I never really thought it was a bad thing, especially because it was important for me to also be perceived well so that I wasn't a disgrace to God. But sometimes I know that what other people thought of me hurt me to the point where I pulled away from God in order to make them like me more. Ouch, that just hurt as I typed it. Yes, this self-proclaimed "good" christian was putting the world and the world's ways before God!
Over the years I've shared my "problem" of caring too much about what others think of me with people. I've only shared it with a select few (mainly christians) and believe it or not their response was never like the one I received from Jesse. Usually the advice I was given by these people were - you can't allow what other people think effect you so much. The only important thing is what God thinks of you. Such a cliche saying - whether it be true or not, it's still cliche. But this time, when Jesse said "What a prideful statement that is", it showed me that my actions were sinful! I do not need to be comforted when my actions are sinful, I need to be made aware (in a loving way of course)that my actions are displeasing to the Father! Now please do not misunderstand me. I am not upset with all the people who told me that the only important thing was God's view of me. That is a true statement. And honestly, if someone told me what Jesse did back then I probably would not have listened and took offense to it.
If you've been reading my blog you know that my last post mentions my acceptance to Jesus' proposal of taking our relationship to the next level. And I think that this is part of me getting to the next level with God. God has been breaking me lately. He's been revealing to me the areas in my life I really need to work on. In the past month I've felt so broken, so inadequate, and even unhappy. Believe it or not, this is a good thing. I've felt broken because I haven't let God be my glue. I've felt inadequate because I've been trying to do it all on my own. I've felt unhappy because I haven't let Jesus be the center of my ENTIRE life.
We've been doing this study with our church group called Blazing Center (by John Piper) and his main point is that God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him. The bible tells us that we are supposed to rejoice, that we are supposed to delight in the Lord. But that's not easy. I've learned that these past few weeks.
Do we still rejoice when our finances are a mess? Do we praise God when he takes away some of our material possessions even when they can be somewhat be labeled as "necessities" (losing a home, vehicle, etc)? Do we delight in the Lord when he allows us or someone we love to hurt (whether it be emotionally or physically)? Do we thank God for the storms in our lives? Usually not. Sometimes we might get angry or frustrated, or even depressed. But after a short while (or sometimes a long while) we'll remember God's promises to us and we then praise God. I want my first reaction to be praise. I want my joy to come from Him and Him alone.
God has given me several opportunities over the past few weeks to praise him in the storm. Although these storms are painful, I'm happy, because I know it means that he is doing something in my life...something good.
James 1:2-4
2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
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