Over the last few years I've dealt with a "forgiveness" issue. Many times I thought I had truly forgiven a certain person, yet every time I would see this person or would even hear about this person the hurt feelings were there once again. I had even gone as far as asking the person for forgiveness for my portion of the circumstances. (Just a small note, this was a hurt that was went on for quite some time, but mostly occurred in high school...and for those of you who can't count...that was over 8 years ago).
About a year ago I felt convicted. I felt the Lord was telling me that I hadn't truly forgiven this person. I contacted the person and told them I forgave them. They responded that they had forgiven me as well...but they wanted to talk about what happened years ago. I wasn't happy about that. I didn't understand why they would want to re-hash everything we had done to each other years ago. All the hurt came back. If I truly had forgiven them why was it still hurting? I realized a few things about myself during that time. One was that I had a skewed view of forgiveness, two - I didn't want to face my pain, and three - I hadn't forgiven myself for my part. But I forced to do so. And today I can honestly say I think I have truly forgiven this person.
It took me 10 years of being a christian to truly grasp the full concept of forgiveness. I've tried to share with others who I've seen struggling with forgiveness the lesson the Lord taught me last year...but I was never able to simply explain what I meant by "true forgiveness".
Today, Chan Kilgore said it simply --- we are told we are to forgive and forget, and we do "forgive", but we don't forget. Why can't we forget? Because we do not deal with the pain! The bible tells us that we aren't to let the sun go down on us while we are angry. Why is that? Because if we don't deal with the pain within that first 24 hours it is likely that we will bottle up that pain and keep it inside us...and it will eventually lead to repression. Although we say we have forgiven the person, we don't forget their wrong doings towards us. The problem is that we forgive the person, but we don't forgive their actions. And so we don't forget.
Dealing with our pain isn't easy. It's alot easier to shove it down deep inside us and try not to remember it. But it's still there. The bible tells us we are to forgive a man seventy times seven (Matthew 18:21-22). How do we forgive then, even when the pain is almost too much to deal with? Confront your pain -- Let Jesus help you through your pain. He suffered so that we may have forgiveness. Let the master of forgiveness help you through your pain.
Isaiah 53:3-6
He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with
suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we
esteemed him not.
Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we
considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our
iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds
we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way;
and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.
While I suffered much carrying the pain of unforgiveness in my heart for years, I thank Jesus for those circumstances. That pain was nowhere near the pain Jesus suffered on the cross, but I have a very small taste of what true love and forgiveness looks like. If my pain hurt as much as it did, then imagine how much more pain Jesus experienced because of us, and yet he still forgave. That's true love. And we are called to love as Christ loved...
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