Forgiveness

The Roots Community went to Crosspointe Church today (which is in Orlando). Our Pastor, Jesse, is being mentored by Crosspointe's Lead Pastor, Chan Kilgore. We visited this church as Chan and his church were praying for us and our church plant. We were blessed to hear Chan speak and the today's topic was about pain and forgiveness.

Over the last few years I've dealt with a "forgiveness" issue. Many times I thought I had truly forgiven a certain person, yet every time I would see this person or would even hear about this person the hurt feelings were there once again. I had even gone as far as asking the person for forgiveness for my portion of the circumstances. (Just a small note, this was a hurt that was went on for quite some time, but mostly occurred in high school...and for those of you who can't count...that was over 8 years ago).

About a year ago I felt convicted. I felt the Lord was telling me that I hadn't truly forgiven this person. I contacted the person and told them I forgave them. They responded that they had forgiven me as well...but they wanted to talk about what happened years ago. I wasn't happy about that. I didn't understand why they would want to re-hash everything we had done to each other years ago. All the hurt came back. If I truly had forgiven them why was it still hurting? I realized a few things about myself during that time. One was that I had a skewed view of forgiveness, two - I didn't want to face my pain, and three - I hadn't forgiven myself for my part. But I forced to do so. And today I can honestly say I think I have truly forgiven this person.

It took me 10 years of being a christian to truly grasp the full concept of forgiveness. I've tried to share with others who I've seen struggling with forgiveness the lesson the Lord taught me last year...but I was never able to simply explain what I meant by "true forgiveness".

Today, Chan Kilgore said it simply --- we are told we are to forgive and forget, and we do "forgive", but we don't forget. Why can't we forget? Because we do not deal with the pain! The bible tells us that we aren't to let the sun go down on us while we are angry. Why is that? Because if we don't deal with the pain within that first 24 hours it is likely that we will bottle up that pain and keep it inside us...and it will eventually lead to repression. Although we say we have forgiven the person, we don't forget their wrong doings towards us. The problem is that we forgive the person, but we don't forgive their actions. And so we don't forget.

Dealing with our pain isn't easy. It's alot easier to shove it down deep inside us and try not to remember it. But it's still there. The bible tells us we are to forgive a man seventy times seven (Matthew 18:21-22). How do we forgive then, even when the pain is almost too much to deal with? Confront your pain -- Let Jesus help you through your pain. He suffered so that we may have forgiveness. Let the master of forgiveness help you through your pain.

Isaiah 53:3-6

He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with
suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we
esteemed him not.
Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we
considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our
iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds
we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way;
and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

While I suffered much carrying the pain of unforgiveness in my heart for years, I thank Jesus for those circumstances. That pain was nowhere near the pain Jesus suffered on the cross, but I have a very small taste of what true love and forgiveness looks like. If my pain hurt as much as it did, then imagine how much more pain Jesus experienced because of us, and yet he still forgave. That's true love. And we are called to love as Christ loved...

Lessons from the past 6 weeks

What I've learned over the past 6 weeks...

1 - God does provide for his children. [Our rent was paid this month and we received enough money to fix our car!]

2 - We only truly learn to depend solely on God when we are placed in circumstances that the only option is to depend on God. [And I can say I am happy that God has me in these circumstances right now, because it's a great place to be...in his hands!]

3 - Pride is a major issue in my life. Pride hides in many areas of our lives, we just don't realize its there.

4 - I truly have some great friends (and family).

5 - God is even more amazing then we can imagine. And he loves to exceed our expectations!

That's all I got for today. It's taken me six long weeks to learn these five lessons. They may not seem profound to you...but it's completely changed my way of thinking and has strengthened my faith.

Psalm 119: 129-135:

Your statutes are wonderful; therefore I obey them.
The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the
simple.
I open my mouth and pant, longing for your commands.
Turn to me and have mercy on me, as you always do to those who love your
name.
Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me.
Redeem me from the oppression of men, that I may obey your precepts.
Make your face shine upon your servant and teach me your decrees.

A Sincere Thank You

Today when I logged into Facebook I saw someone's status update say "Gonna pay my rent today...thank u Lord for providing yet again." And then something hit me like a ton of bricks. Had I ever taken the time to thank God for the everyday blessings he pours out on me and my family?

It is only now that I find myself daily thanking God for the things most of us take for granted. I sincerely thank God daily, and at every meal, for providing food for Chuck and I, because I know that right now it is only because he is providing for us that we have any food at all. I have to confess that prior to moving up here I thanked God for my food every day, but it was more of a "ritual" prayer. I'm not sure if it was really heart-felt. I can assure you that it's sincere now. We are already experiencing times when there is no money in our bank account and the food is running low in the house, and the only thing we can do is pray and have faith that the Lord will provide. And he is doing just that, providing.

When I saw this person's status on Facebook it made me think about paying my rent. We just sent out our rent check yesterday using the last of my "vacation payout" money from FIU. While writing the check my thoughts were more consumed with "there's the last of it" and "hope we can afford next month's rent" rather than "thank you God for providing this month's rent".

I'm learning that when I was "promised" a paycheck for my work by having a "regular" job, I took God's blessings for granted. It is only because God blessed me with a job and health that I was able to make my monthly rent payment and put food on the table. At any moment that could have been taken away from me, yet I had a sense of security when I had a job in Miami. It was a false sense of security though. I was praising God with my mouth, but my deep down I was attributing these blessings to the hard work my husband and I did weekly at our jobs.

I'm learning now that the only place you can really find true security is by having faith in God, as he is the one who ultimately takes care of us --- whether it be by providing a job for us or by providing financial supporters, it's because of him that our needs are met. Lord, I'm sorry for letting my mind be consumed with other thoughts and worries. Help me to remember to praise you for even the things we take for granted, like paying our rent on time, having food daily, and having enough gas in the car to take us where we need to go.




I started reading the book of Isaiah today. It's about the prophet Isaiah trying to warn the people about their double minded ways. The people were saying that they believed in God and were even offering sacrafices to God, but they also were worshipping idols and sinning in many other ways. It says that they were flaunting their sins, like it was no big deal! It made me think of our nation right now - we proclaim to be a Christian nation (or at least that we were a Christian nation), but yet we flaunt our sins like it's no big deal. We go around worshipping material possesions, celebrities and a number of other false idols. We've changed our minds on what is morally acceptable today forgetting that it's contradicting how the Bible says we should live! We are such a prideful nation, boasting about the success we've obtained even when the success has been obtained by living in sin.

Isaiah 10:15 says,

"Does the ax raise itself above him who swings it, or the saw boast against him who uses it?"

I realized today that by not giving God the full credit and the praise for providing the money for my rent and for our food made me like a saw boasting against the one who uses it. Yes, I worked 40 hours a week, but it was God who had me there as a tool. He was using me and blessing me with money to pay for rent and food. It wasn't me. For me to say a half hearted prayer was not enough. The Lord deserves the full praise and glory for his blessings that he has poured out on me. So thank you Lord for providing. Help me to not worry about next month's rent or tomorrow's food. Help me focus on what you've provided for today and your promises of providing for tomorrow.

Exposing Myself...

Where do I start? It's been five weeks since I last blogged. Why has it taken me so long to get on to this thing? Well it hasn't been because God isn't working in my life. God definitely has gotten a hold of me and told me just what a mess I am! I have a few "reasons" I think I haven't blogged in a while.

1- I didn't really know what God was doing with me! I knew he was doing something, but I just wasn't sure what it was.

2 - I had a little "pride" issue going on. I didn't want to air all of my issues, all of my struggles because then what would people think of me? Would they think I wasn't a christian, or that I was a bad christian?

3- I've been a little discouraged by judging my christian walk with others that I consider "great" christians. I didn't really think I had anything valuable to contribute to others after seeing how "spiritual" others were.

So here's what I've learned over the past few weeks...

God is working in me. Like Paul said in Philippians "he who began a good work in you will not be complete until the time of Christ Jesus" (Philippians 1:6). I feel that way. That God is doing something with me - but he's not done. He won't be done for a long time. And I'm learning to be okay with that.

This is partially where my pride comes in and where comparing my spiritual walk with others plays in. For so long I've tried to become an "awesome" christian. Now, I've never really succeeded it at it, but I've always strived for that. I was talking with my new Pastor (Jesse) about this one night and he responded with "What a prideful statement that is" to say I'm an awesome christian. Huh, I never thought of it that way. I shouldn't be striving to be like Jesus so that I can say I'm an awesome christian. I shouldn't even care if others think I'm an awesome or a horrible christian. I should only care about what Jesus thinks of me. And it's not even rating me on this scale from 1 - 10 (1 being horrible and 10 being awesome). But to consider my life on a scale that is so simple, there are no numbers, there are no ranges, it's simply - is EVERYTHING in my life glorifying to God? Do all of my actions bring Glory to the Father, which should be my main goal.

For so long I have cared about what others think about me and how they perceive me. I've allowed their thoughts to run my life. I would try and do anything to make sure that their perception of me was one that was pleasing to them. I never really thought it was a bad thing, especially because it was important for me to also be perceived well so that I wasn't a disgrace to God. But sometimes I know that what other people thought of me hurt me to the point where I pulled away from God in order to make them like me more. Ouch, that just hurt as I typed it. Yes, this self-proclaimed "good" christian was putting the world and the world's ways before God!

Over the years I've shared my "problem" of caring too much about what others think of me with people. I've only shared it with a select few (mainly christians) and believe it or not their response was never like the one I received from Jesse. Usually the advice I was given by these people were - you can't allow what other people think effect you so much. The only important thing is what God thinks of you. Such a cliche saying - whether it be true or not, it's still cliche. But this time, when Jesse said "What a prideful statement that is", it showed me that my actions were sinful! I do not need to be comforted when my actions are sinful, I need to be made aware (in a loving way of course)that my actions are displeasing to the Father! Now please do not misunderstand me. I am not upset with all the people who told me that the only important thing was God's view of me. That is a true statement. And honestly, if someone told me what Jesse did back then I probably would not have listened and took offense to it.

If you've been reading my blog you know that my last post mentions my acceptance to Jesus' proposal of taking our relationship to the next level. And I think that this is part of me getting to the next level with God. God has been breaking me lately. He's been revealing to me the areas in my life I really need to work on. In the past month I've felt so broken, so inadequate, and even unhappy. Believe it or not, this is a good thing. I've felt broken because I haven't let God be my glue. I've felt inadequate because I've been trying to do it all on my own. I've felt unhappy because I haven't let Jesus be the center of my ENTIRE life.

We've been doing this study with our church group called Blazing Center (by John Piper) and his main point is that God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him. The bible tells us that we are supposed to rejoice, that we are supposed to delight in the Lord. But that's not easy. I've learned that these past few weeks.

Do we still rejoice when our finances are a mess? Do we praise God when he takes away some of our material possessions even when they can be somewhat be labeled as "necessities" (losing a home, vehicle, etc)? Do we delight in the Lord when he allows us or someone we love to hurt (whether it be emotionally or physically)? Do we thank God for the storms in our lives? Usually not. Sometimes we might get angry or frustrated, or even depressed. But after a short while (or sometimes a long while) we'll remember God's promises to us and we then praise God. I want my first reaction to be praise. I want my joy to come from Him and Him alone.

God has given me several opportunities over the past few weeks to praise him in the storm. Although these storms are painful, I'm happy, because I know it means that he is doing something in my life...something good.

James 1:2-4
2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Taking our relationship to the NEXT LEVEL

For some time now I have felt the Lord tugging at my heart begging me to get closer to him. I've had a relationship with him, but it seems like right now God wants our relationship to be taken to the next level. It reminds me of when you start dating someone new and then after some time goes by that question comes up - are we ready to take our relationship to the next level? What is the next level? What does that entail? And oddly enough that's how I feel about my relationship with God right now. I feel like God and I have been "dating" in a sense. We have been getting to know each other and we've shared some intimate moments together, but we aren't competely open with each other. We aren't in a fully committed relationship either. (And I am aware that it is ME who is the one who hasn't fully committed and hasn't fully opened up yet). Right now though, I feel God saying "it's time to take our relationship to the next level".

One of the things that I've asked myself is what does this "next level" look like? How do we go from being where we are now to going to be something more? I don't have a complete answer for this yet, but I do know that God is slowly revealing to me the type of relationship he would like from me. I'll share an example with you.

A few weeks back I decided that since it was my goal to be like Jesus I really should study the man to see what he was like. Now, I've read the gospels before, but this time I REaLLy wanted to study it. I wanted to discover the true character of Jesus. So I decided that I would re-read the gospels and try and figure this out. I admit that at first it wasn't easy trying to figure out how I was going to study Jesus. I tried a few different ways, and none of them seemed to be right. So I decided I would start off with reading the book of John, but it took me a little while to jut read the first few chapters. I kind of felt guilty that I was taking so long to get through it. But this week I re-opened my bible and I started to look for where I had left off (so that I could pick right back up again). After I read my notes from the first three chapters and I was prepareing to start reading chapter 4 something just struck me. I think God was telling me not to move forward. I was drawn to a passage I had read the week before.

John 3:29-30
"29 The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who atend the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and he is full of joy when he hears the brideroom's voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete. 30 He must become greater, I must become less."

Now when this verse struck me, I'll admit I didn't understand it fully. But something inside of me just screamed out that this verse was important. I had decided that week that I was going to research the verse and blog about my new found knowledge. So the very next day I began to google the passage and try to make sense out of it. But I realized that the more research I did the more confused I got. I know that doesn't make any sense, but I just thought I understood the verse for the most part when I started, and in researching it I began to question if I had ever really understood the verse in the first place. As I was writing I received a visit from my grandfather which put my whole research/blogging to a halt. And after he left I was no longer motivated to continue my thoughts. So I stopped.

The next time I really looked at the verse was this week in my car during my lunch hour. I just started writing. And God taught me what he wanted me to hear out of this verse. God wanted me to hear about friendship and the kind of friendship we should have with Jesus. John the Baptist had an awesome friendship with Jesus. He had that friendship where he waited patiently to hear Jesus. He had that type of friendship where he was content when he heard Jesus. He was the type of friend who said it's not about me, but about him. Let him be more!! Wow!!!

I realized that the friendship/relationship I had all this time with Jesus was not a very good one. I was the type of friend who drained you. My friendship with him was one that whenever I went to him it was to lay all my problems out for him. It was a friendship that was all about me! If you've read any of my previous blogs you'll learn that it is only now, after 11 years of being a christian that I'm truly hearing the voice of God. And I think it's because I wasn't patiently waiting to hear his voice (which isn't surprising when you think about it, because I'm not a really patient person). I was expecting him to answer me at that second. I wasn't willing to just sit there in silence and not move until I heard him. And I really don't think that ever in my life had I made God more than me. I know that this sounds horrible, but I'm truly being honest with you. I have been a bad friend to Jesus. It was a one sided friendship. Jesus was there for me, I wasn't there for Jesus. I wasn't always there to listen to him. I would get upset or hurt when he told me things I didn't want to hear, even if they were true about myself.

So what does this next level look like with my relationship with God? Like I said before, I'm not 100% sure. But I do know that it includes me being a better friend. It includes me sharing all my feelings, fears, hopes, sins, etc with God. It's ALSO about me listening to him, no matter how hard it is to swallow. The next level includes me becoming less and Jesus becoming more.

I learned something else while I was trying to figure out this whole passage. I learned that so many times when we are looking for answers we "research" our questions, just as I did with this passage. Now I'm not saying that this is wrong. But what I did learn is that we have the masterminds ear! We can ask our Creator to make it clear to us. God spoke all this to me while I was in my car with no computer, no dictionaries, commentaries, etc. It was as if he was telling me, Nadine rely on me. Come to me for answers. And when you do, I will make it clear to you.

I know that sometimes hearing God and what he has to say to us doesn't always make a lot of sense. And sometimes HOW he teaches us things is just crazy (have you read my blog about the squirrel?!). But one thing I've learned is that if we trust Him, He will make our paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6).

I'll keep you posted on how my new "love affair" with Jesus is going! :o)

As cautious as a squirrel!

Today I made friends with a squirrel. I don't know if that's what he would consider me, but I think we were both equally entertained by each other. I met my new friend while I was eating lunch in my car. He was in a tree that was about 20 feet in front of me. When I first saw him he was making his way down the tree trunk. At about the same time I noticed him he stopped in his tracks and he stayed in that hold position for quite some time.

I've been doing a study on becoming a woman who listens to God and one of the ways that it says that God can speak to us is through nature. In the past few weeks I've had God speak to me in many ways. He has spoken to me through scripture, prayer, people and circumstances. I have never heard God through nature and was beginning to believe that I would never be able to hear him in this way. The author of the devotional I'm reading always shares these great stories about how God taught her something through nature. I must admit I was a little envious. Why wouldn't God speak to me in this way? One of the other things that I learned in the study was to ask God to help me hear him daily. God is speaking to us all the time, a lot of times, we just aren't listening. So when I saw the squirrel I prayed! God, teach me something through this squirrel!

So I focused on the squirrel for the next 30 minutes and tried to watch his every move, waiting for God to speak to me. I realized that as soon as my eyes met the squirrel's he paused. And he didn't move for quite some time. The only part of him that moved was his tail waving in the wind. After a few minutes he made his way back up the tree. Odd, he was half way down the tree when I spotted him. Why would he go back up? After he made his way back up the tree he just laid in the branches. It was then that I noticed that squirrels have fur that actually camouflages into the tree bark. I figured the squirrel was just resting. As I took my eyes off of him for a few seconds to take another bite of my food the squirrel practically disappeared! He had shifted his body to the other side of the tree. If it weren't for the wind blowing the fur on his tail I probably would have never spotted him. He stayed like this for a while, and eventually turned back towards me. Then he started staring at me! I didn't think he had noticed me since I was a good distance away in my car.

We stared at each other for a while and then he made his way down the tree and into the surrounding grass area below. After a few moments in the grassy area he took off to his next destination. Where he was going, I have no clue. But God spoke to me.

After finishing my lunch I researched squirrels and found out that part of their defense mechanism is their ability to camouflage and the ability to move quickly, like in the blink of an eye. The squirrel knew that he had to move. But he also knew that there were potential dangers (aka me!). So he proceeded with caution. He needed to make sure that he was able to fulfill his mission avoiding harm if possible. He was actually studying me as much as I was studying him. After he concluded that I was no harm to him, he went on his merry way.

Watching this squirrel taught me so much. One of the things I learned was that we need to proceed with caution. The bible says in Ephesians 5:15-16:

15Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.

If we don't make wise moves, we face danger. I also learned that we need to use our defense mechanisms. What are they you ask? It's our growing relationship with God. A growing relationship is key. How do we grow? Spending time in prayer and scripture. Meditating on God's word. Asking God to reveal himself to you in every situation and circumstance.

A lot of times we plan our next move but we forget to keep God in the logistics. God has called me and my husband to move away from our family to help re-plant a church. God has confirmed multiple times to us that this is what we are supposed to do. We have decided to obey God and move in August. Now imagine what would happen if we decided to just pick up and move. Could we face potential dangers along the way? YES! So we must proceed with caution. We must continue to seek God as we plan the details of our move. In the same way, the squirrel knew where he needed to go. But just because he knew what his next move was didn't mean that he just went. He waited, patiently, and used his defense mechanisms to make sure that he was able to make his move safely.

When God calls us he reveals his plan to us step by step (Psalm 119:105). We need to be patient to see what (and when) that next step is. And we need to remember to use our defense mechanisms.

Ephesians 5:1 says:

1Be imitators of God

Jesus had a mission on earth. He was to come to this earth, share God's love, and then be sacrificed so that those who believed would have salvation. Jesus didn't just come to this earth with that "big picture" mission and make his move. He started off every morning by spending time with God in prayer. In the same way, whenever we are about to make a "move", no matter how large or small, we need to remember to keep God in the details. God won't just give you the big picture and expect you to figure out the rest. He'll guide you through the entire way, you just have to open up your ears (and eyes) and listen.

So the next time you are ready to make a move, stop and remember the squirrel. Be wise and proceed with caution.

From Princess to Servant...

Let me explain this "From Princess to Servant" title. I've always been considered the "princess" in my family (although my neice has definitely earned the "princess in training" title). I like to look nice and I like nice things. Now I'm not saying I've been rolling in money, or that I have all the finer things in life. But I do, occassionally, like to splurge on things like nice shoes and Coach bags :o)

I've also always enjoyed helping others. Since I've been involved in ministry I've had the desire to be a "servant". But I always thought that the perfect way to be a servant would be for my husband to work, and I would have kids, and during the day while the kids were at school or wherever, I would volunteer my time and help out with things like Habitat for Hummanity and things like that. But in my dream world I always thought that I would be the housewife who was able to bring peace to the world, be home for the kids and be accessorized in name brands!

Chuck and I are hoping that we are both able to be in full time ministry when we move up there. Jesse says we are going there to be "missionaries". People just always think of a missionary as one who goes to a foreign country, not us though. The area we are going to has about 100,000 people and no growing modern churches. There are people hungry for the word of God and no one to give it to them. So that is what we are going to do. Not only give them the word of God, but to give them the LOVE of God. My chance to be a SERVANT!!

"That's great" is what I'm sure you're saying! "Your dream is coming true!" One of the hardest parts of obeying God is believing that he will provide for you and that he will make a way when there doesn't seem to be a way. The only way that Chuck and I can both go into full time ministry is if we are able to raise BOTH of our salaries, which includes our taxes and health insurance (and yes health insurance is critical and you know that if you've ever met my husband!! LOL). Now raising our salaries will not be an easy feat, but the Lord has shown us the way so far, and we just need to trust that he will continue to show us the way. We may not be able to live the "comfortable" life we are accustomed to once we go up there. We will need to be completely selfless and do everything for the Lord. Now I've never thought of myself as a selfish person, but I can't say that I'm a selfless person either. I'm probably somewhere in the middle. So it's going to be hard for this princess to go from being, well, a princess to being a servant.

This blog is not meant to be a form of entertainment, but to document my "adventure" of leaving my comfortable life and starting a life that completely surrenders to God and welcomes the unknowns, praying that at the end of the day, the only one glorified is God.

The Call

I know that many of you may not be able to see or understand how we know that this crazy adventure we are about to set out on is from God. I would like to share with you how God told us we needed to go. I’ll start from the beginning. A few months back our friends told us that they were going up to Orlando to start this church, and boy were we excited for them. In jest we were asked, along with others, to go up and be part of this mission. I’m pretty impulsive, so I naturally wanted to say yes. Chuck said no. He said to me, "I think it’s great, but I don’t think God is calling us right now."

A short time later I stumbled upon a website looking for a specific prayer card that a friend had sent to me, and instead I found something else – devotional books for women. One of them caught my attention and it was called Becoming a Woman who Listens to God. So, I prayed, because I really wanted to do this study, but I wanted to do it with others, and I really didn’t know who I could do it with. I prayed and I guess God spoke to me and said, ask your sister. So I did. And she was excited. We invited a few others, but God only let one accept the offer, Yules.

When our small group first started I kept telling the other girls, God is going to speak to us. God is going to answer us by the end of this study. I just didn’t realize that God was going to speak to me about this! This study really taught me how God speaks to his people, how to recognize his voice, and how can miss his voice if we’re not careful. Well a few weeks into the study I was online one day and Jesse, the guy who is going to be the lead man on this church plant, wrote to me on instant message. Strange I thought. And then he told us he wanted us to go up and help him with this new church plant in Orlando. I told him that Chuck and I needed to talk, and we’d obviously need more info before we made our decision. He said fine, and in the next few days Chuck and I scheduled a meeting with him to find out more information. During that time, we spoke to no one about it except for Jesse and Derrick (one of the other guys going up there for youth ministry). We didn’t want to tell many people that we were praying about this because we wanted to really hear from God…not from man. Before we had lunch with Jesse we prayed, and we prayed specifically, Father, please let us hear exactly what we need to hear so that we are able to make the decision that you want us to make.

One of our concerns of going up to a new church plant was that everyone was going to be pouring themselves into it, and that the leaders’ growth would come second. And we needed to make sure that we wouldn’t end up getting burnt out. One of the things that Jesse said to us at lunch was I can’t promise you money or anything really, but what I can promise you is that Anitra and I will pour our hearts into you to develop you as leaders. Wow! Isn’t that exactly what we asked for?

We still had a lot to think about and pray about. So we went home that night, we talked, we prayed. Later that night I was doing my bible study and I read the story of Elijah. Now Elijah was a man of God and his faith in God was pretty strong. He had just finished defeating the hundreds of false prophets who had been worshipping Baal and then he got scared because the King was mad at what Elijah had done and ordered his death. Elijah ran and hid in the desert. And God spoke to Elijah and said, “What are you doing here?”. So Elijah ran again this time to the Mountain of Horeb, and again God said to him “What are you doing here?”. At the end of the questions in my bible study they left us with one question “What are you doing here?”. Boy was God speaking to me!!! I didn't tell Chuck at first because I wanted to make sure God was saying that to me. And I believe he was.

I was still a little leery about what God was telling us to do, and I was scared of moving away from my family. I’m very close to my mother and my siblings, but I wanted to make sure that I had my mom’s blessing. A few days later Chuck and I went and spoke with my mom. She told us that it seemed as if God was speaking to us and we had to obey God and not worry about anything else. That was exactly what we needed to hear.

Chuck and I both agreed that God had spoken so we made the decision that we would obey. Now hearing God’s voice was amazing, and the mission that he has given us is exciting. But telling the ones you love that you are leaving is scary! It’s nerve wrecking! So we started planning when we would tell certain people, like our Pastor and my family! We decided that Friday would be the day. I called my Mom during lunch and told her it was time, I was going to tell the rest of the family and she encouraged me that it was all going to be great, and that while it was going to be really hard that what we were about to experience was going to be amazing. Just about the same time Chuck sent me a message that he was at the church office and was going to tell our pastor. I had my bible study that evening and I was still a little behind on my study, so I decided to finish up during my lunch hour. One of the verses that it had me read was John 14:31 which says:

31but the world must learn that I love the Father and that I do exactly what my Father has commanded me. "Come now; let us leave."

Wow! Talk about speaking to me!!! It gets better though. The chapter that I did during lunch was the WRONG chapter! It was NEXT week’s chapter! I guess that just goes to show that everything is in God’s timing!

You see God has been setting us up for this for quite some time now. We just didn’t know it. You see, about a year ago, Chuck felt a calling to go into full time ministry. And it was about that same time that I had a desire to go into an area of un-churched people and start a church. (I really thought that it was going to be in the teeny tiny town that Chuck’s mom lives in though). God then showed me this bible study where I’ve learned how to really hear God, and THEN God had Jesse ask us to go up there, and then he provided the verses for me to read so that I would know that it was him who was speaking.

We have no clue what we are about to go through. We have no clue how we are going to afford to move, how we are going to raise our salaries, or where we are going to live. But we do know this, in Mark 10:27 Jesus said:

27"With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God."