For some time now I have felt the Lord tugging at my heart begging me to get closer to him. I've had a relationship with him, but it seems like right now God wants our relationship to be taken to the next level. It reminds me of when you start dating someone new and then after some time goes by that question comes up - are we ready to take our relationship to the next level? What is the next level? What does that entail? And oddly enough that's how I feel about my relationship with God right now. I feel like God and I have been "dating" in a sense. We have been getting to know each other and we've shared some intimate moments together, but we aren't competely open with each other. We aren't in a fully committed relationship either. (And I am aware that it is ME who is the one who hasn't fully committed and hasn't fully opened up yet). Right now though, I feel God saying "it's time to take our relationship to the next level".
One of the things that I've asked myself is what does this "next level" look like? How do we go from being where we are now to going to be something more? I don't have a complete answer for this yet, but I do know that God is slowly revealing to me the type of relationship he would like from me. I'll share an example with you.
A few weeks back I decided that since it was my goal to be like Jesus I really should study the man to see what he was like. Now, I've read the gospels before, but this time I REaLLy wanted to study it. I wanted to discover the true character of Jesus. So I decided that I would re-read the gospels and try and figure this out. I admit that at first it wasn't easy trying to figure out how I was going to study Jesus. I tried a few different ways, and none of them seemed to be right. So I decided I would start off with reading the book of John, but it took me a little while to jut read the first few chapters. I kind of felt guilty that I was taking so long to get through it. But this week I re-opened my bible and I started to look for where I had left off (so that I could pick right back up again). After I read my notes from the first three chapters and I was prepareing to start reading chapter 4 something just struck me. I think God was telling me not to move forward. I was drawn to a passage I had read the week before.
John 3:29-30
"29 The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who atend the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and he is full of joy when he hears the brideroom's voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete. 30 He must become greater, I must become less."
Now when this verse struck me, I'll admit I didn't understand it fully. But something inside of me just screamed out that this verse was important. I had decided that week that I was going to research the verse and blog about my new found knowledge. So the very next day I began to google the passage and try to make sense out of it. But I realized that the more research I did the more confused I got. I know that doesn't make any sense, but I just thought I understood the verse for the most part when I started, and in researching it I began to question if I had ever really understood the verse in the first place. As I was writing I received a visit from my grandfather which put my whole research/blogging to a halt. And after he left I was no longer motivated to continue my thoughts. So I stopped.
The next time I really looked at the verse was this week in my car during my lunch hour. I just started writing. And God taught me what he wanted me to hear out of this verse. God wanted me to hear about friendship and the kind of friendship we should have with Jesus. John the Baptist had an awesome friendship with Jesus. He had that friendship where he waited patiently to hear Jesus. He had that type of friendship where he was content when he heard Jesus. He was the type of friend who said it's not about me, but about him. Let him be more!! Wow!!!
I realized that the friendship/relationship I had all this time with Jesus was not a very good one. I was the type of friend who drained you. My friendship with him was one that whenever I went to him it was to lay all my problems out for him. It was a friendship that was all about me! If you've read any of my previous blogs you'll learn that it is only now, after 11 years of being a christian that I'm truly hearing the voice of God. And I think it's because I wasn't patiently waiting to hear his voice (which isn't surprising when you think about it, because I'm not a really patient person). I was expecting him to answer me at that second. I wasn't willing to just sit there in silence and not move until I heard him. And I really don't think that ever in my life had I made God more than me. I know that this sounds horrible, but I'm truly being honest with you. I have been a bad friend to Jesus. It was a one sided friendship. Jesus was there for me, I wasn't there for Jesus. I wasn't always there to listen to him. I would get upset or hurt when he told me things I didn't want to hear, even if they were true about myself.
So what does this next level look like with my relationship with God? Like I said before, I'm not 100% sure. But I do know that it includes me being a better friend. It includes me sharing all my feelings, fears, hopes, sins, etc with God. It's ALSO about me listening to him, no matter how hard it is to swallow. The next level includes me becoming less and Jesus becoming more.
I learned something else while I was trying to figure out this whole passage. I learned that so many times when we are looking for answers we "research" our questions, just as I did with this passage. Now I'm not saying that this is wrong. But what I did learn is that we have the masterminds ear! We can ask our Creator to make it clear to us. God spoke all this to me while I was in my car with no computer, no dictionaries, commentaries, etc. It was as if he was telling me, Nadine rely on me. Come to me for answers. And when you do, I will make it clear to you.
I know that sometimes hearing God and what he has to say to us doesn't always make a lot of sense. And sometimes HOW he teaches us things is just crazy (have you read my blog about the squirrel?!). But one thing I've learned is that if we trust Him, He will make our paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6).
I'll keep you posted on how my new "love affair" with Jesus is going! :o)
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